Over and over in my notebook

An eye

Short and nice

Hernandez came by here today.He came to the back door.And I answered it.We hugged and cuddled for awhile.It felt like his dick was hard through his pants.Or that could have been my imagination.I asked him did he like my hair.And he said was that’s not your hair.’If he didn’t like it I do appreciate him not saying anything about.Telling me it’s ugly like he did the last time.He wanted to just come up to my room.I told him my room was messy.I went upstairs and cleaned up a little.Then I back downstairs to the loving room.I climbed on top of him.He sucked my tits.And bounced me up and down on him.After a few minutes he told me ‘let’s go upstairs’.

We came upstairs and just fucked right away.I didn’t suck his dick.We used a condom and I was able to use the lubrication.When we first started fucking I said ow.Then he said ‘don’t even try it.I know you can have sex without it hurting now.’This was right before we had sex then I went to get my cell phone.After comfortable fucking him for about a minute.I got my cell phone and started tweeting that I was fucking.It took a long time to write it all out.As usual but,more so because I had a man bouncing up and down on top of me.

He told me later while we were having sex that he came over here a couple of weeks ago but,he didn’t have time to come over here.We fucked with him on top of me and then doggy style.Doggy style is okay but it’s kind of overwhelming when done really hard and fast.And I really don’t like the fact that he wants my head and shoulders all the way down.Then I can’t swing my hair around like I had planned.:(

We went back to missionary and he slipped out.And was trying to fuck me for a few second.Then he just took the condom off and started jacking off.I was disappointed because it was like he just couldn’t come inside of me.While we were fucking I saw the he was looking at the clock.I thought ‘Yes he has a time limit.He’s going to come inside of me.’He started fucking me harder and I thought this is it.I didn’t really say anything about him jacking off inside of fucking me.I thought about asking him to finish fucking me and giving him another condom but,I just thought ‘You know you don’t care’.And went ahead and let him because I didn’t.

While he was jacking off he asked me did I want to drink his come.I would have but,I remembered how bad it taste.I don’t think I could pretend that it tasted good.So I didn’t swallow his come and he came on my stomach.

He laid down and I laid down in his arms.He keep pulling my hair accidentally but it hurt.And I would say ‘ow you’re pulling my hair’.And he said This isn’t your hair.Stop saying that it’s your hair.’But,he didn’t seem to get that The hair is tied into my head so when he pulls it he’s pulling my hair to and it’s painful.

While we were talking I asked him was he coming by on our anniversary.And he said when is it.And I said December 8.And he said I came by here in December and I said yes you did.Then he said he thought it was in November.And asked me did I remember if it was after he crashed his car.And I said ‘I don’t know.We didn’t have a reason to talk.’I was funny I was thinking what the fuck would we be talking for I wanted to fuck.

I told him that I knew that that was when we met because I wrote it in my diary.And he asked me what did I write about him.I told him it’s my diary why would I tell him.He said I just want to know what you wrote about me.I looked at him and thought about what I wrote and what to tell him and decided not to tell him.And I said I’m not going to tell you.And he let it go.

He put his shirt on and said that he lost his underwear and I said ‘you don’t need them anyway it isn’t like anyone’s going to be seeing them.’After he put his clothes on he told me to walk him to the door.I was still naked and I said like this.And he said as long as you stay at the door and don’t go outside.I then got my housecoat and put it on (because I wasn’t going to the door like that) and I saw that his phone was laying out and put it in my pocket.A little later after he got his mask he asked me to give him his phone back.And I said I don’t have it.And he tried reaching in my pocket to get it and I wouldn’t let him.He actually said I’m going to count to three and you better give it to me.And he said one and I said ‘I’m not a child.’He said ‘I’m going to count to three’.And I said ‘what are you going to do to me’.He said ‘I’m going to leave the phone here and I’m not coming back.’I let him count to three.And he just said ‘okay’  and left out of the room and went down the stairs.I went down the stairs behind him and gave him the phone back.When I reached it to him he had a big smile on his face.He probably was thinking I can control her.

I did it anyway

09:30 AM

I hear a sound like grass being cut,but I will not sit her and wait I’m still leaving and going to the beauty supply store.

I actually did it.I went out knowing that Hernandez was probably here.I’m soo proud of me for this.Even if he came by and it results in him never coming again I am glad I did it.I needed to for myself I needed to stop sitting around waiting on him.

At the beauty supply store I bought.some mane ‘n tail shampoo.I’m not sure how that’s going to work out for me but I’ll try it.And the favorite thing that I got today was a mannequin head.I love it.I didn’t know that it was a mannequin head when I first saw it.I thought wow that’s a pretty wig it’s the same texture as my hair.I just had to get a closer look at it even though I couldn’t try it on with my braids.I asked the woman that works there about getting it down.Then she said it was a mannequin.Then at first I just thought a mannequin that means I can’t get it.But,then I thought wait a minute a mannequin head.That’s what I wanted to get.So I bought it and I love it.

Passing it on

Okay I’m now going to listen to any and all messages that my younger guy sent my.Oh I forgot to mention I sucessfully got ringmaster disconnected.I think let me check.Yes,I have.So let’s see what he said.

Well,I just listened to the messages and he was just saying I really really want to talk to you and begging me to call him back.I wonder did he send and email too.But,as curious as I am I know that he could be online right now.and I don’t want to take that chance.I want really read the email I just look to see if he sent one.I feel kind of bad about it but,oh well.Hernandez hurt my feeling I’ve got to hurt someone else.It balances things out a little bit.

Different things

I got this really sweet email.Well,I call it an email but,it was a notification from spy pig saying this micheal had looked at my picture.It was just too sweet that he kept those picture or should I say that picture.I should send him another one.I read the email yesterday that he got the notification on October 29.I send him an email today just basically saying hi.I don’t think that I was being too obvious that I know he looked at my pictures.I just couldn’t resist.Like I said I might give him another picture.I hate talking to him but,he’s sweet sometimes.I was about to delete that email account to but,I’ve changed my mind of course.

Looking out

My niece and nephew

came over here today.I can barely remember why they came.Let me think.Oh yeah my sister wanted to know if we had some asprin over here.Since we have everything.And Adia was asking for a blank fucking cd.Which was annoying as hell.He keep on asking about it.And I kept saying we don’t have any like a thousand fucking times.Then he went over there to the dvd’s and was like ‘here’s a blank cd’.It was a movie and I told him that.But,he went on and on about it.And started looking through the other stuff over there insisting that there was one.I told him ‘I said that we don’t have one.Don’t you have any home training.’Really.

They was going to go back home and Prudence didn’t want to go.She cried about it.Loudly as usual.Then she went over to the screen door and stood at the screen door crying and three guys went by and laughed at her.lol.

cleaning before bed

I went to bed at eight thirty last night because I was tired and feeling awful.But,before I went to bed I actually managed to clean the closet out.I’ve done that so many times and it stays like that for a day.Maybe two.But,I’m going to try to keep it this way.I can actually see the floor!

All of my day

My throat is still bothering me.Hopefully today will be the last day.It’s a little rainy today.I still hope to see Hernandez.He has hurt me so bad treating me like this.

I was thinking about doing my hair today.Relaxing it.I want to wash it at least.Although thinking about it,it probably wouldn’t be the best idea since my throat has been bothering me.

Yesterday I finally made it to my goal gbs.

Calling

My younger guy has been calling a lot again today.I know that I gave him my number the other day but,after he called that many times (28) I didn’t want to talk to him anymore.It’s fucking crazy calling that many times.I just didn’t answer the phone the first few times because I was nauseate and I didn’t want to throw up while I was on the phone.I just needed a break,my heart has been broken.It’s all that I can do to get up in the morning let alone be bothered with talking to him.